Winning the Blame Game

by Sara Arey

Think of some things that bother you.  Stuff from childhood.  Irritations with a spouse, with children.  Being cut off in traffic.  People not doing their jobs – or not doing them well.  Places where you have to take up the slack when it isn’t even your job to start with.

Whose fault are those things?

Who’s responsible?

Who’s to blame? 

Did you have names and faces pop to mind?

Did you answer, “No one” because you think that’s the “right” answer?  How do you REALLY feel?

Part of the work I do with clients is to energetically release everyone they’ve blamed for a certain situation – which includes blaming themselves.  This is a crucial part of the releasing process and it goes way beyond half-hearted or mind-only forgiveness.

When you blame someone – whether it’s someone else or yourself – it keeps you tied up with what happened.  You’re still energetically and emotionally bound to that event in the past.

Let’s look at what happens when someone cuts you off in traffic.  (Of course, you can apply all this to any event in your life.)

If you get angry and think, “I can’t BELIEVE they just did that!”, then you’re taking what happened personally.  It’s the same as saying, “I can’t BELIEVE they did that TO ME!” or  “How dare they do that to me!”  They are the aggressor.  You are the victim.

 

Do you let it set the tone for your day?  Do you let it affect your relationship with the other people in your car or the first people you see when you get where you’re going?

That’s an awful lot of power to give to someone you’ll probably never actually meet.

And just what is it that you’re blaming them for?

For being stupid?  Making a poor decision in a moment isn’t the same as being stupid.  Thank goodness, because my guess is that you’re human and you’ve made a few decisions that you or someone else might have later thought were … not your best.

For inconveniencing you?  Well, maybe you had to step on the brake or swerve.  Does that warrant so much anger and blame?

For endangering you?  But you’re okay, right?  If you ended up in an accident and had physical issues to deal with, wouldn’t you rather have all your energy focused on healing?

For scaring you?  Ah!  This is more the heart of it.  Very often when we’re scared, we express it as anger.  When you saw that person pull out, you – or part of you – felt scared.  OK.  That’s what happened.  And it’s over now.  Zebras don’t stand around rehashing what happened after the lions are gone.  They go back to eating.  They live in the present.

Picture the channel that allows love, abundance and joy to flow to and from you.  What happens to it when you’re feeling blame and anger?  When you see yourself as the victim?  It gets narrower.

So what are the alternatives?

Well, you can acknowledge your fear – and then choose to let it go.

You can feel a sense of accomplishment in having avoided an accident.

You can feel grateful for quick reflexes and having spotted what was happening.  For a car that has good brakes and responds so well to you.

You can use it as a chance to send a loving thought to someone who probably needs it.  Something like, “Wow!  I’ll bet that scared you, too.  I wish you a safe drive to wherever you’re going.”

What’s happening to your channel now?

Let’s face it – loving, forgiving and releasing are always best for you.  They are what will bring you the most joy, the most love and the most abundance.

The only way to win the blame game is to stop playing.

After doing a process on releasing blame, a client I was working with last week sat quietly, a smile dawning across her face.  In a voice of wonder and peace, she said, “When there’s no blame, there’s no struggle.”

What struggles are you ready to give up now?